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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27159431">perfect for you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/treesramblings/pseuds/treesramblings'>treesramblings</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>tree’s anti-soulmate kinktober 2020 [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Age Difference, Angst, Bad Decisions, Bottom Tony Stark, Child Abuse, Childhood, Coming of Age, Daddy Kink, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Howard Stark's Good Parenting, Kid Tony Stark, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Minor Character Death, Protective Steve Rogers, Pseudo-Incest, Spanking, Steve Never Went Into The Ice, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Top Steve Rogers, Underage Drinking</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 23:49:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,649</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27159431</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/treesramblings/pseuds/treesramblings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Anthony Edward Stark.</p><p>He’s a beautiful baby, all chubby cheeks and black hair and wide eyes, staring at Steve from the moment he enters the room. When Peggy interrupts his line of sight, kissing Steve on the cheek, Anthony <em>wails</em>, his voice loud and demanding and every bit attention seeking that a baby can be.</p><p>Steve can’t help himself; he goes over to the bassinet, rocking it gently, and—without taking his eyes off Anthony—asks Maria, “Can I pick him up? Is that okay?”</p><p>“Yes, Steve, of course. Tony is your godson. Treat him as you would your own,” she responds.</p><p>“Yeah, kid,” Howard says, clapping Steve on his shoulder as Steve carefully, so carefully, picks Tony up and holds him close. “He’s going to need a stable influence in his life. You’ll be amazing to help raise him. I wouldn’t trust anyone else to care for my son but you.”</p><p>Steve feels a tiny spark light up inside him, slowly expanding and growing and bursting to life.</p><p>“Hey, Tony,” he whispers to his godson, “I’m your Uncle Steve.”</p><p>Steve almost cries when Tony quiets—hiccuping with big, fat tears falling down his face—and he latches his gaze onto Steve, wonder in his expression.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers &amp; Howard Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>tree’s anti-soulmate kinktober 2020 [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1958839</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>142</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anti Soulmate Kinktober 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>perfect for you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/resurrectedhippo/gifts">resurrectedhippo</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>special thanks to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/tempuwu">my bff temp</a> for helping me beta this, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/fundamentalBlue">the lovely blue</a> for kicking my ass into gear to make howard more than just a plot device, and <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/resurrectedhippo">my beautiful hippo</a> for cheering me on and titling her own gift fic x</p><p>please take note of the underage tag! if it bothers you, it will be in chapter two, and I will add more details upon release.</p><p>enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“This is a victory of more than arms alone. This is a victory of liberty over tyranny…”</em>
</p><p>
  — President Harry S Truman, Announcing the Surrender of Japan, September 1, 1945
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>NEW YORK, SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 1945</b>
</p><p>
  <b>JAPAN SURRENDERS TO ALLIES, SIGNS RIGID TERMS ON WARSHIP; TRUMAN SETS TODAY AS V-J DAY</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <em>November 1945</em>
  </p>
</div><p>“The Stork Club is really beautiful tonight, isn’t it, Steve?” Peggy says, twirling away and back into his arms, a smile on her face.</p><p>“You’re the most beautiful sight here, Peggy.”</p><p>It’s cheesy, he knows it is, but Steve can’t help himself. He never thought he would be able to have this. He never thought a beautiful woman, so intelligent and brave, would be willing to be at his side. Peggy is all of his dreams come true.</p><p>The Howling Commandos dance around the couple, their dress uniforms shiny and bright, and Dum Dum winks at Steve when he catches his eye.</p><p>If only Bucky had been able to be here.</p><p>“Let’s get some punch, darling, shall we?” Peggy asks, her eyes dark and lips red.</p><p>Steve grins down at her. This is what he wanted. His country has won—<em>freedom</em> has won—and he knows Bucky wouldn’t regret anything that has led to this outcome, to the Axis Powers losing, even his own death.</p><p>Steve twirls Peggy out again, then dips her, and nods his head.</p><p>“Yeah. Punch sounds good.”</p>
<hr/><p>They get married on a breezy spring evening in 1946 in a church hall in Brooklyn. Their wedding song—like so many others—is <em>It’s Been A Long, Long Time</em>, and the crowd is hushed in awed silence as Peggy, beautiful Peggy, dances almost until her feet bleed. Steve smiles the whole time, bright and happy and so thankful for what he’s been given, and ignores the voice in the back of his head saying this won’t last.</p>
<hr/><p>The SSR takes off. Peggy is in and out of the house, preoccupied with constant work and with saving Howard from the heinous charges laid against him, and Steve returns to the Army, working his way up the chain.</p><p>Steve brings up having children once, in 1950, a month after Dum Dum and his wife send a card with pictures of their children, including their newborn. Peggy hums, one hand on the countertop and the other on her hip, and gives Steve that <em>look</em> he’s so used to being sent toward Howard.</p><p>“I love you, Steve, very much, and I would love to have your children. But I will not stay home while there’s still so much to be done. I’m the Director of my entire organization. I can’t just leave to be a housewife. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course, but—” Peggy sighs. “It’s not for me. If you stayed at home, maybe then I would, but… I can’t stay at home.”</p><p>Steve’s Army career is too important. He can’t let the people relying on him down, either, not even to have a family.</p><p>He doesn’t bring it up again.</p>
<hr/><p>“Do you think—” Peggy begins one hot summer day, sitting on the dock next to Howard’s lakehouse, “—are you… aging?”</p><p>Steve tenses up. His swim trunks cling to his hips and thighs, and water droplets enticingly flow down his torso. He’s seen Peggy begin to lose that youthful shine, her fortieth birthday approaching; Steve doesn’t love her any less for it, still thinking she’s the most beautiful sight he’s ever seen, but he knows his own body still looks the same as it did when he was injected with the formula. He takes the fears he carries and smashes them down, down, down.</p><p>“I don’t know,” he finally says.</p><p>Peggy watches him for a moment longer, the brim of her hat protecting her face from the harsh sun rays, and hums.</p>
<hr/><p>Steve is on leave in the late sixties, visiting Peggy and Howard, when he meets Maria Collins Carbonell for the first time.</p><p>“I’ve heard so much about you, ma’am,” Steve says, his smile bright. The Vietnam Conflict has been draining for him—for every soldier involved—but Steve tries not to think of it during his leave.</p><p>He misses Bucky.</p><p>“Why, General Rogers!” Maria laughs. “It’s so wonderful to meet you! Howard has told me so much about you as well; I honestly expected to meet a god!”</p><p>Steve chuckles. Howard’s admiration for Steve has never faded away, no matter how many years have passed, and yet it’s never seemed to bother Steve. Seeing a man who works and dreams so far in the sky helps to keep Steve on the ground.</p><p>“Well, I hope I can live up to your expectations, ma’am,” he winks. Maria giggles again just as Peggy exits the mansion doors, Howard trailing behind her, and she lights up when she sees Steve.</p><p>“Hello, husband,” Peggy smirks, kissing his cheek. Steve grins, taking in the grey beginning to form at his wife’s temples, and falls in love all over again.</p>
<hr/><p>Steve is at a lunch meeting with President Jimmy Carter, discussing the oil crisis happening in Iran, when a page enters the room, starry-eyed, and holds out a missive for Steve. His hackles instantly raise, hoping nothing urgent has occurred, but is surprised to see it’s simply Howard exerting his influence.</p><p>
  <em>Come by the mansion later today and meet your godson. — HS</em>
</p><p>Steve laughs and shares it with the President. Carter chuckles good-naturedly as well, congratulates Steve on the honor, and says they can have lunch another day.</p><p>Steve leaves the White House and heads up to New York, trying to contain his joy at being able to meet his godson.</p><p>Even though it never worked out for him and Peggy, Steve has always wanted a child. He’s always wanted to hold someone small and precious, cradle them in his arms and feed them, raise them, teach them, and Steve prays that Howard and Maria will let him be a constant present in his godson’s life.</p>
<hr/><p>Anthony Edward Stark.</p><p>He’s a beautiful baby, all chubby cheeks and black hair and wide eyes, staring at Steve from the moment he enters the room. When Peggy interrupts his line of sight, kissing Steve on the cheek, Anthony <em>wails</em>, his voice loud and demanding and every bit attention seeking that a baby can be.</p><p>Steve can’t help himself; he goes over to the bassinet, rocking it gently, and—without taking his eyes off Anthony—asks Maria, “Can I pick him up? Is that okay?”</p><p>“Yes, Steve, of course. Tony is your godson. Treat him as you would your own,” she responds.</p><p>“Yeah, kid,” Howard says, clapping Steve on his shoulder as Steve carefully, so carefully, picks Tony up and holds him close. “He’s going to need a stable influence in his life. You’ll be amazing to help raise him. I wouldn’t trust anyone else to care for my son but you.”</p><p>Steve feels a tiny spark light up inside him, slowly expanding and growing and bursting to life.</p><p>“Hey, Tony,” he whispers to his godson, “I’m your Uncle Steve.”</p><p>Steve almost cries when Tony quiets—hiccuping with big, fat tears falling down his face—and he latches his gaze onto Steve, wonder in his expression.</p>
<hr/><p>Howard invites Steve and Peggy over for Tony’s first birthday. It isn’t a large affair—on the contrary, it’s just the four friends attended to by Edwin and Ana Jarvis—but Steve shows up with the biggest smile, gifts and treats and love for Tony. Steve holds him in his arms, singing softly under his breath while twirling around the room as music plays in the background. Howard rolls his eyes, laughing at Steve’s antics, and takes another drink of his whiskey.</p><p>Steve has eyes just for Tony the whole time, but he can’t help noticing how Maria spends more time staring at Howard instead of her son and how Howard seems more inclined to bask in his perceived greatness. Steve tries not to let said knowledge bother him, and instead focuses on making the child in his arms smile wider.</p>
<hr/><p>Steve and Peggy spend almost every weekend with Howard, Maria, and Tony. Steve tends to spend more time with Tony than with the adults, fascinated by his development. He laughs when Tony runs across the floor into his arms. He comforts Tony when he starts teething. He cries when Tony meets his eyes and babbles, carrying on a conversation with Steve, and then begins to chant, “Seeb, Seeb, Seeb,” arms held up and asking to be held.</p><p>“Well, we always knew you were his favorite!” Maria jokes as Peggy tries to console Steve’s overjoyed emotions. “He wanted his first word to be for you.”</p><p>He kisses Tony’s forehead, his cheeks, his hands, his nose, exaggerating each moment and eliciting happy baby giggles from Tony.</p><p>Steve holds him close, shaking with happiness, and grins up at Peggy.</p><p>“Oh, darling,” Peggy smiles, kissing Steve’s forehead. “He really is perfect for you, isn’t he?”</p>
<hr/><p>Steve attends a charity function with Peggy. He helps her dance around the room, stopping and getting her a drink whenever her dry mouth acts up. He overhears a conversation nearby, of someone saying <em>it’s so nice to see young people helping their grandparents</em>, and clenches his teeth. Peggy may look every day of her sixty years, but she wears it with beauty and grace, and Steve will love her every day he’s alive, no matter what she looks like.</p><p>(It’s not like they don’t have sex anymore, either—they’re in their sixties, not <em>dead</em>.)</p><p>Howard approaches them with Obadiah Stane in tow, and Steve’s back bristles. Stane, having been an old family friend from his father’s interactions with the Starks, quickly rose in the company and is now Howard’s business partner. Steve has never been a particular fan of him.</p><p>“Steve! Peggy!” Howard says jovially as he approaches the couple. “Obie here was just telling me about a new defense contract we might be able to wrangle between SI and the Air Force! Let me tell you—”</p><p>“Seeb!”
</p><p>Howard pulls up short, watching as Maria comes walking over with Tony in her arms. Tony is reaching out for Steve, his chubby hands opening and closing, with a petulant look on his face.</p><p>“Howard! This must be your son!”</p><p>Every instinct inside Steve <em>screams</em> as Stane reaches out for Tony, plucking him from Maria’s arm and hoisting him into his own. Steve stares the man down, his posture still and tense. His instincts are never wrong, and right now they’re telling Steve that Stane is a danger to Tony.</p><p>“No!” Tony whines, squirming in Stane’s arms. “Want Seeb!”</p><p>“Ah, Tony,” Howard chides, chuckling. “Your Uncle Obie just wants to meet you! Be nice.”</p><p>“No, it’s okay, Howard.” Steve reaches out, trying to make his posture seem relaxed. “Let me take him before he makes a scene.”</p><p>Steve takes Tony from Stane, holding the distressed toddler close to his neck, and smiles at Stane. Stane’s expression is open and playful, but Steve can see the tense lines in his shoulders and the anger in his eyes.</p><p>“Howie, come here, I wanna talk to you,” Steve says, as nonchalantly as he can. Howard blinks at Steve and nods, grabbing one of the glasses of scotch from the bartender. When they’re an appropriate distance away from the two women and Stane, he turns to Howard and stops.</p><p>“What’s wrong, Steve?” Howard asks, taking a sip from his glass.</p><p>“I don’t want Stane near Tony,” he announces without preamble. “I don’t trust him, Howard. I know he’s your business partner, but—You’ve gotta trust me on this. He’s not someone you want around Tony.”</p><p>Howard meets Steve’s eyes and swirls the scotch in his tumbler, then shifts his stance and looks down at the ground for a moment before back at Steve. He isn’t meeting Steve’s eye.</p><p>“You really think…” he begins, but trails off into a silence.</p><p>“Howard. Trust me. Please.”</p><p>Howard nods. “Okay. I’ll keep him away.”</p><p>Steve lets loose a sharp exhale of breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. “Thank you, Howard. Peggy and I’ll take Tony home tonight, okay?”</p><p>Howard nods. “Alright, Steve. I know how important he is to you. Drive safe.”</p>
<hr/><p>Steve helps Tony learn how to write and draw, offering his help when Tony tries to cobble together a rocketship out of Legos. When Tony turns four, he draws out different robots that he and Steve can play with, and Steve nudges Howard about building Tony a few as a birthday gift for Steve.</p><p>“You want your gift to be something only you and Tony can play with?” Howard asks incredulously. At Steve’s sheepish blush, Howard chuckles, clapping Steve on the shoulder. “Well, you always have doted on him like he’s your own.”</p>
<hr/><p>Tony and Maria both get the flu in the winter of 1983. It’s bad for them both, but Tony has to be hospitalized, and Steve takes personal leave to sit by Tony’s bedside the entire time he is sick. Peggy is stuck at her work, dealing with some issues raised by Hank Pym, and can’t take the time off to come up to New York from DC. Howard comes in and out, obvious concern on his face but tempered by his need to bounce back and forth between Maria’s bedside, Tony, and SI.</p><p>The nurse comes in one time while Steve is there watching over Tony and hums. Her body language is closed off, her face barely hiding her anger, and she shoots Steve a hostile glare. Her attitude isn’t conventional to a good bedside behavior for a child, even if said child is asleep, and Steve stares her down.</p><p>“Something wrong, ma’am?” he asks.</p><p>“No, sir,” she responds, her tone curt.</p><p>“Then why are you so agitated? He may be asleep, but that’s no reason to be so rude,” Steve says.</p><p>The nurse huffs, thinking, and then rounds on Steve. “My son died of the flu last year. He was four, just like your son here. My husband told me that he had gotten him the flu shot, so I figured he was fine, and then I had to watch him die from it. The flu shot isn’t always a hundred percent—I get that. But it would have given him better protection than nothing.”</p><p>Steve is silent for a moment, and then very carefully asks, “He’s my godson; his father is busy with business. Are you telling me he never had his flu shot?”</p><p>The nurse seems to pause at that, eyes darting between Steve and Tony, and then picks up Tony’s chart and flips through the pages quickly. She sucks in a breath, holds it, and then lets it out. “General Rogers, then, I assume?”</p><p>“Yes, ma’am.”</p><p>“I see.” She visibly hesitates and then nods to herself. “His father and mother didn’t give Tony here his flu shot. There’s a note on his chart saying they both were vehemently against the flu shot. I’m sorry I assumed that was you, sir.”</p><p>Steve reins in his anger, not wanting to unleash it on the messenger, and tiredly sighs. “Thank you for telling me. I’ll be having a talk with his father. Can you tell me—does Tony have any other vaccines?”</p><p>The nurse shakes her head. “It says he’s never had a vaccine, sir. They aren’t required by law except for attending public school, so some parents just… choose not to have their children vaccinated. They homeschool instead.”</p><p>It’s at that moment that a knock echoes from the door. The nurse opens it and Howard walks in, ruffled and obviously having just come from the office. Steve glances at the clock and notes it’s just past ten at night.</p><p>“Sorry for the lateness, ma’am. How’s my son doing?”</p><p>The nurse’s posture turns rigid again and her smile is icy. “He’s recovering, sir, slowly but steadily. I have to get back to my workstation. Excuse me.”</p><p>The click of the doorknob and the rustle of clothing is all the warning there is before Steve has Howard pinned against the wall, eyes like steel as they bore into Howard’s surprised gaze.</p><p>“S—Steve? What the hell?!” Howard chokes out.</p><p>“What the <em>fuck</em> is your problem, Stark?” Steve growls, anger vibrating throughout his body. “I just found out you’ve never gotten Tony any of his vaccinations—that his chart says you are <em>adamantly and vehemently against the use of vaccines</em>?”</p><p>Howard stills, his eyes darting away from Steve’s with a sigh. Steve abruptly steps back and Howard sags against the wall.</p><p>“Listen, Steve. The whole science behind vaccines is ridiculous. They change the explanation for how they work or what they do all the time. I don’t trust a science that changes that often. Remember that whooping cough vaccine incident in the UK a couple years ago? They had scientists arguing left and right about if it was actually worth the risks. I don’t trust scientists who can’t decide how something works.”</p><p>Steve has to hold himself back from slamming his fist into Howard’s face.</p><p>“Did you forget the polio epidemic?” Steve starts, his voice low. “How many thousands of people—of <em>children</em>—died during it because we didn’t have a vaccine? Or maybe you forgot how <em>my own mother</em> died because a tuberculosis vaccine didn’t exist when she was a baby—”</p><p>“Polio was an epidemic!” Howard argues, interrupting Steve. “It’s different! These are things that the average child isn’t even at risk of contracting, especially my child! Tony is protected from the common riffraff that don’t know how to wash their own hands or not be around people while sick—”</p><p>“Not everyone has that luxury, Howard!” Steve growls. “What about when you send him off to school? They’re going to require you to vaccinate him then—”</p><p>“No one is going to dare tell me how to raise my own damn son—”</p><p>“You’re endangering others!” Steve says, slamming his hand against the wall again. A dent appears in the plaster and Steve tries to hold himself back, tries to control himself, but his concern for Tony and disbelief of Howard’s stance sends him over the edge. “There are so many diseases that could be treated with vaccines and so many children who wouldn’t have to die if they were given the proper immunizations as children. We’re slowly evolving as a society, slowly developing and discovering more vaccines, and you chose not to give Tony any?!”</p><p>Steve is yelling in Howard’s face now, passion coloring his tone, his chest rising and falling and his hands balled into fists. Howard’s face is red with indignation, and he opens his mouth to respond.</p><p>“No. No, Howard. I don’t want to hear it. Don’t look at <em>me</em> of all people and try to bullshit your way out of this.”</p><p>“I’m not bullshitting my way out of this, Steve!” Howard yells back. “These idiots arguing over their soft sciences and if something is useful or not aren’t worth listening to! I can figure it out for my own damn self instead of blindly following what the masses want!”</p><p>Steve can’t control himself then, can’t hold back and try to calmly convince Howard anymore—for as much as everything that they’ve said has been <em>calm</em>—and he leans forward until their noses are almost touching, using his height and his build and his sheer presence to his advantage.</p><p>“I would have done <em>anything</em> when I was younger if there had been a vaccine or a way to get rid of my ailments,” Steve says, his voice almost vibrating with a cold anger. “Hell, you fucking saw what I was willing to do to get rid of them, to live a normal life, to serve my country—you’re the one who pulled the trigger and cured me. You’re the smartest man I know, and I know who you are as a person, and I know what drives you—but maybe you should work harder to help find cures for diseases to save people instead of building weapons to kill them.”</p><p>With that, Steve turns around, visibly agitated and frustrated. He turns to Tony, walking back over and sitting down in the chair. The anger seems to drain out of him all at once, and fear overtakes his expression. He reaches out and brushes a lock of fallen hair from Tony’s face, and his voice is lowered, almost whispered, when he says, “I had to watch my mom die, Howard, to something that’s now preventable. Don’t make me watch Tony die to something that I can protect him from. I can’t—I can’t do that. I’m not strong enough. You told me you wouldn’t trust anyone else to care for your son. Maria told me to treat him as if he were my own. You can’t—You can’t tell me to do that, let me get so attached to him, and then deny me the right to help raise him how I think is the best. If you can’t do this for me, Howard—if you can’t do this for <em>Tony</em>, then I think maybe I should take over all of his care. Alone.”</p><p>His words effectively dismiss Howard from his own son’s hospital room. Howard stands up from the wall, straightening his askew tie, and looks at Tony, his gaze lingering on his only child’s pained expression.</p><p>“If you want him to have the vaccines that bad, I’ll tell the nurse to give him them when he’s healthy,” Howard states.</p><p>“See to it.” Steve slips his hand into Tony’s tiny one, his breathing deep and even.</p><p>Howard leaves the two alone.</p>
<hr/><p>When Tony is five years old, Steve sees red.</p><p>Whether it’s because Tony is obsessed with Steve and wants to prove himself a good child—or just that Steve has had incredible timing and hasn’t been around during any of Tony’s tantrums—for the first time, he sees Tony disobeying his father.</p><p>“Tony!” Howard yells. “I <em>told</em> you you can’t play with the soldering iron!”</p><p>“But <em>Dad</em>,” Tony whines, “it isn’t playing! I just wanna make stuff, like you!”</p><p>“When you’re older, Tony. You’re still a child. My decision is final.”</p><p>Tony huffs angrily and then stills, his eyes darting from Howard to Steve. He walks over to Steve, his arms crossed over his chest, and says, “Uncle Steve, can I work with the sold’ring iron?”</p><p>Steve crouches down in front of Tony. “No, Tony. You can’t go to me for permission. If your father says no, then the answer is no. Okay?”</p><p>Tony shakes, the disappointment clear in his expression, and nods his head once before stomping off out of Howard’s office. Steve sighs, glancing over at Howard. “I’ve never seen him act like that before,” he remarks.</p><p>“It’s every damn day, Steve, I tell ya. He’s a good kid, <em>so</em> smart, but he’s trying to take on more than he can handle. I want him to have a childhood before letting him become consumed by creating. It—It takes over your life,” Howard sighs.</p><p>“Well, he’s got a no from both of us. He won’t disobey. Like you said, he’s smart,” Steve smiles.</p><p>It’s later that evening when Howard is in his study on a business call and Maria is out at a socialite event with Peggy that Steve feels an imminent sense of foreboding, that something is going wrong and he needs to react <em>now</em>, has to find out what’s wrong and fix it <em>now</em>, and Steve races up from the living room to Tony’s, expecting to find the boy to be asleep, only to panic worse when he finds the bed empty.</p><p>“Have you seen Tony?” Steve demands, bursting into Howard’s study. Howard startles, looking up at Steve. His expression darkens and he shakes his head. Steve races off into the rest of the house, barely catching Howard’s hurried <em>I’ll call you back</em>. He finds Jarvis next, who also denies knowing where Tony is, and Ana says the same.</p><p>Steve hasn’t had an asthma attack since 1943, but he feels his breath quicken and his lungs begin to burn nonetheless. The top floor of the mansion is clear, and the ground floor, too, so Steve runs into the basement and almost stops dead at the sight of Howard’s lab doors cracked.</p><p>He steels himself for the worse and rushes in, and it’s like time stops as he sees Tony trying to use the soldering iron. He sees the tip of it brushing closer and closer to Tony’s hand, and then Tony readjusting himself on the stool he’s on, overbalancing, falling back and almost hitting his head with the heated iron coming straight for his unprotected body—</p><p>Steve hisses in pain as the iron lands on his arm as he catches Tony, wrapping himself around him.</p><p>“Tony! Tony, oh my god, are you okay?!” Steve asks, frantic. Tony’s eyes are wide as he stares up at Steve, and he glances at Steve’s forearm, seeing the rapidly developing burn, and it’s like a dam bursts because Tony is crying and wrapping himself around Steve and yelling out apology after apology.</p><p>“I didn’t—Uncle Steve, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you—” Tony sobs, and Steve stops and pulls Tony back.</p><p>“You could have been <em>hurt</em>, Tony,” he says. Anger and fear and panic and disappointment course through Steve. He can’t—If Tony won’t listen to Steve, if he won’t do what he says, then how can Steve protect him?</p><p>He flips Tony over, ignoring his startled hiccup, and pulls down his pants just enough to lay down three solid, firm smacks on Tony’s butt.</p><p>Tony cries out in pain, struggling to get away from Steve, and Steve just pulls Tony’s pants back up and turns him back over, making Tony look him in the eye.</p><p>“I am not mad that I got hurt, Tony,” he says fiercely. “I am mad that you didn’t listen to your father or me when we told you no. You could have gotten yourself hurt. I’m a super soldier, remember? You’re not. If I tell you to do something, I expect you to do it. Do you understand me?”</p><p>“Y—Y—Yes,” Tony sniffles, and Steve crushes Tony to his chest, holding him close as he shakes.</p><p>“You scared me so bad, Tony,” Steve whispers into his hair. “Don’t do that to me. I can’t—I can’t handle it. Don’t disobey me. Let me protect you.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, Uncle Steve, I’m sorry,” Tony cries.</p><p>Steve shushes him, rocking him back and forth, and tries not to let his own tears fall.</p>
<hr/><p>Tony is seven years old when Howard sends him off to boarding school in Massachusetts. Steve paces back and forth the day before Tony is set to leave, worry and anxiety filling him.</p><p>“Honestly, love,” Peggy admonishes. “He’s going to be <em>fine</em>. Stop worrying so much. You’ll still be able to see him on your long leave weekends and call him in the evenings.”</p><p>“What if they bully him, Peggy?” Steve says. “He’s so smart, and he’s so <em>small</em>, and kids are—kids are so mean to anyone that’s different.”</p><p>“You have helped raise him right, Steve,” Peggy reassures, stepping into Steve’s way and placing a hand over his heart. “You have a beautiful heart, Steve, and he takes after you just as much as he takes after Howard. He will be okay. Trust that you’ve helped him be prepared for this.”</p><p>“I just…” Steve sighs, his hands coming up to Peggy’s waist, pulling her flush to him. He doesn’t finish his statement, and instead begins to sway back and forth. Peggy smiles up at him, placing her other hand on his collarbone, and lays her head on his chest.</p><p>Steve holds her close, letting her take hold of his anxiety and fears and assuage them, the same as she always has. For so long, Peggy has been his number one priority in life, what he thinks of when the word <em>home</em> flashes in his mind, and Steve takes comfort in her silent strength and calming presence.</p><p>“Everything will be okay, love,” Peggy whispers.</p>
<hr/><p>Everything is not okay.</p><p>“What do you mean he <em>punched a kid in the face</em>?” Steve yells over the phone. Howard sighs on the other side, and Steve can almost see the movement of Howard running his hand through his hair.</p><p>“We knew this would happen, Steve. He’s a genius. The school is supposed to make sure his enrichment learning is to his level, but the other kids tease him for it. You remember what it was like growing up, surely. Kids are little assholes.”</p><p>“I’m going to go see him,” Steve says, his tone brokering no arguments.</p><p>“The school is handling it, Steve,” Howard sighs again. “They just have to call the parents when this happens.”</p><p>“I’m going to go see him,” Steve repeats.</p><p>“Alright, Steve. If you have to.”</p><p>Eight hours later, Steve is escorted to Tony’s dorm room, and Steve thanks the faculty member before knocking on the door.</p><p>“Go away!” Tony yells from inside. “I don’t wanna talk about it anymore!”</p><p>“Anthony,” Steve says calmly, “open this door right now or I will break it down.”</p><p>There’s a pause for not even a second before Steve can hear scuffling and the door is being cracked open. Steve takes one look at the black eye Tony is sporting before he’s pushing his way into the room, gentle with Tony, and closes the door behind him.</p><p>Tony is too young to have a roommate—Howard had forbade it, anyway, and Steve hadn’t seen a reason to argue—and his dorm room is spacious, with half put together projects and strewn papers littering the floor.</p><p>Steve turns to Tony—taking in the black eye, the bruised knuckles, and the not-so-subtle shuffling—before he crosses his arms, straightens his back, and stares down at Tony.</p><p>“You have one minute to explain yourself,” Steve announces without preamble.</p><p>“It was dumb Justin Hammer!” Tony yells immediately. “He was calling me names, saying that dad was paying off the teachers and that I wasn’t really getting the highest grades in the class, and then he—he tried to copy my homework! I <em>charge</em> kids to do their homework, Uncle Steve, and I do a damn good job of it, too! I wasn’t about to let Justin disc—discredit me!”</p><p>“So,” Steve says after a moment, letting Tony catch his breath, “not only did you get into a fight, but you help kids cheat on their homework, you <em>curse</em> so casually you just slipped up in front of me without even realizing it, and you don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. Did I sum it up correctly?”</p><p>Tony struggles internally, and Steve can almost see the wheels and cogs turning as he decides whether to lie or not. Eventually, he slumps, and nods his head.</p><p>“Yes, Uncle Steve,” Tony mumbles.</p><p>“Bend over the bed. Pull down your shorts.”</p><p>Tony complies, fisting his hands in the sheets of his bed, and tenses when he can hear the sound of Steve removing his belt.</p><p>“If you tense up, it will only hurt worse,” Steve warns. He watches as Tony tries to relax, and Steve sighs, knowing a losing battle when he sees one.</p><p>He whips the belt across Tony’s butt, carefully checking his strength, and repeats the action six times. Tony is crying silently into the bed when he’s done, and Steve helps him sit up, gingerly pulling up Tony’s pants before holding him close.</p><p>“I forgive you, Tony,” he says. “Don’t do it again. You don’t have to fight. These bullies, they’re compensating for their own perceived inadequacies when they’re put up next to you. You’re better than them. Let me fight your battles for you. I don’t want you getting hurt, especially when I can prevent it.”</p><p>“You’re not here,” Tony mumbles. “You’re all the way in DC and you let dad ship me off and you don’t come visit me every weekend and I—I—I hate it here, Uncle Steve. No one likes me, not even the teachers, and I just want to go home.”</p><p>Steve holds Tony closer to him, thinking over what he can do. He knows how important Tony’s education is, and Steve isn’t willing to let just anyone teach Tony. But there isn’t anything that Steve wouldn’t do for Tony.</p><p>“I’ll see what I can do, Tony,” Steve responds, patting Tony’s head. “I’ll… I’ll figure something out.”</p>
<hr/><p>“It’s just part time, Pegs. You should’ve seen him. He was so lonely and sad. I have to do something,” Steve says.</p><p>Peggy meets his eye, her hands on her hips. They’ve been talking about this for close to an hour, and Steve still can’t tell what she’s thinking, has never gotten the hang of it, and Peggy uses that to her advantage now.</p><p>“Alternating schedules,” she finally says. “Four days there, three here, and then switch for the following week. Please don’t ask me to not be able to see my husband for longer than that.”</p><p>“Okay,” Steve says, gratitude evident by the giant smile on his face. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Peggy.”</p><p>“Oh, pish posh,” she laughs. “Everyone knows that Tony is that for you.”</p><p>It should sound bitter, but it’s not, and Steve knows Peggy means that whole-heartedly. Throughout their marriage, they’ve always known that there was a timer on them, that someday Peggy would die of old age and Steve would be left alone, forever appearing twenty-five. Steve pushes that thought down, hiding it in the deepest recesses of his mind, and feels grateful to have a wife as beautiful and loving as Peggy.</p><p>“I love you,” he says, kissing her lips softly. “I love you so, so much, Peggy. I’ll never stop.”</p><p>“Yes, you will, my love,” she whispers. “Someday you’ll see. You’ll find a person for you who you’ll love just as long and just as grandly as me. Don’t limit yourself when the time comes.”</p><p>“Peggy—” Steve begs, his voice hoarse.</p><p>“Promise me, Steve,” she says against his lips. “Promise me you’ll move on.”</p><p>Steve lets his tears fall, meeting Peggy’s calm, accepting gaze, and nods his head. “I promise.”</p>
<hr/><p>“Every week, Tony,” Steve growls. “Every week, I’m having to do this. When are you going to learn?”</p><p>Tony is silent as Steve spanks him.</p><p>Steve doesn’t like spanking Tony. He doesn’t like using his strength to hurt someone he cares for so deeply. But Sarah Rogers did it to Steve, and Winifred Barnes did it to Bucky, and they learned their lessons. They learned when something was too much, when to back down, when to apologize.</p><p>Tony hasn’t seemed to learn any of that. He’s twelve-years-old, defiant and angry and every bit of the preteen boy that Peggy warned him he would be, but Steve doesn’t know what else to do.</p><p>“Well,” Tony begins, and something in his voice makes Steve pause, “maybe you should stop it, then. It’s like you’re too dumb to try anything else. I thought you were supposed to be a master tactician, a master strategist. Surely you see this isn’t doing what you want.”</p><p>Steve hates that he’s studied by children. He hates that his every action is picked apart and debated, that people who’ve never seen combat think they know how to handle it when a child with a bomb strapped to their chest is being sent over to a civilian village after being told to let go of the button when they see a person. He hates that the people who celebrate his accomplishments in World War II decry his actions in the Vietnam Conflict.</p><p>He hates that Tony is learning about just how many people Steve has murdered in his long life. He hates that Tony is looking at Steve with something less than complete and total admiration, love, and trust.</p><p>“This is nothing like that, Tony,” he says flatly. “This is you being stubborn and refusing to listen to me.”</p><p>“Why should I listen to you? I’m <em>bored</em> here. I hate it here. I just want to leave, to go home, and you’re making me stay here. You don’t really care about me.”</p><p>Steve tries not to stagger back, but it’s a close thing, and he steps away from Tony on shaky feet. Tony pulls up his pants, standing up and glaring at Steve.</p><p>“How could you even think I don’t care about you, Tony?” Steve asks.</p><p>“You—I always thought you were a good guy. But you aren’t. You’re—My teacher told me what you’ve done. What you’re <em>still</em> doing. I thought you were someone I could trust, but you’re not. You’re just a soldier following the military’s fife. You’re a soulless baby killer.”</p><p>Steve stares at Tony as if he’s never seen him before. He remembers coming back from Vietnam, how he was told he couldn’t wear his uniform because the people at home would hate him for it, would throw things at him and yell slurs and call him the scum of the Earth.</p><p>He remembers the first time he had been called that, when he had been getting an early lunch after a jog around the different DC monuments, and how the cashier had rung him up and bagged his food and stopped him dead in his tracks simply by tilting her head and asking him, “Do you enjoy killing babies, Captain America? Do you enjoy being a baby killer?”</p><p>“How could you say that to me?” Steve whispers, his voice cracking. “How—”</p><p>“Dad makes weapons to protect the country, he says, but he was on the Manhattan Project.” Tony’s gaze is hard, his hands shaking, and Steve can only stand there with his mouth open in shock. “He helped build the atomic bombs they used on Japan. He builds and sells weapons every day that are used to kill millions of people across the globe, and you direct your Army soldiers to using those weapons to best kill America’s enemies. Maybe we’re the bad guys. Maybe you’re just so brainwashed into the system you don’t even realize you lost your soul along the way.”</p><p>There’s silence in the room between them, and Steve shakes his head, almost as if he’s unaware he’s even doing it, until Tony’s face contorts into anger.</p><p>“You lied to me!” Tony shouts. “You told me you would—would—would protect me, you would take the pain from me, but you’re the cause of my pain! You spank me, you say it’s for my own good, but all it does is leave me feeling like a disappointment! It doesn’t teach me whatever <em>bullshit fucking lesson</em> you think it should!”</p><p>Steve wants to get angry—<em>is</em> angry—but he’s too shocked that Tony would say this. It’s out of left field, and Steve’s never seen Tony so upset and vicious before. His words echo in Steve’s head, <em>baby killer, you’re the cause of my pain, soulless</em>—</p><p>“What, can’t come up with some lie to try to convince me I’m wrong?” Tony snorts, hate dropping from every word he speaks. “You’re just like they told me. You’re the military’s dancing monkey. You’re a <em>fake</em>.”</p><p>“Anthony Edward Stark—” Steve yells, blind anger overcoming him.</p><p>“Don’t full name me! You’re not my fucking dad!” Tony screams. “I hate you! You’ve lied to me for my entire life and let me think you were something <em>good</em> but you’re not! I hate you! I hate you! I don’t ever want to see you again!”</p><p>Tony holds himself there, his chest rising and falling rapidly and pure loathing coloring his expression, and Steve feels the world drop out from the bottom of his feet.</p><p>Steve turns away, trying to hold himself together, trying to hold back the tears, and closes the door to Tony’s dorm room with a quiet click.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you liked the cliffhanger? ;D</p><p>next chapter will be out before the end of the month x thank you for reading!!</p><p>if you're interested in more darkfic/angst/difficult subjects, come join me and some awesome people at the <a href="https://discord.gg/X9xaRPT">SteveTony Darkfests Discord</a>!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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